I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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