Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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