Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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