They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
