This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
