fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize