We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
