Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
