dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Of course I have a pirate flag
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
