just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i think my cat just said my name.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
