i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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