my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
