I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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