I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
