If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Boobs speak an international language.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
