I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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