She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize