I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
