I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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