Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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