Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
