i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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