you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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