you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
