First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
