youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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