i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
