You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
