Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
