My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize