He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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