Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
