Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
