hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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