I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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