I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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