dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
