my mouth tastes like poor choices
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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