The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
