I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
