She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
