thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize