you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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