Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
