Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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