i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
