Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
