Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
