Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize