She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
