we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
