got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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