I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
