There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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