don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
