I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize