Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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