is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
