Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
