You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Randomize