Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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