OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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