First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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