why do cheetos always look like penises
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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