I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
