Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
