So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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