This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
