i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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