My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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