there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
