whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize