is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
