Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
