OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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