You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
