dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
