so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
