So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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